Waiting for It Read online

  Girl V the World: Waiting for It

  Chrissie Keighery

  Hardie Grant Egmont

  Contents

  Title Page

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Copyright Page

  Alice Carter was the most popular girl at our primary school, so it’s weird knowing she hasn’t even squeezed into the top twenty now that we’re at high school. She’s number twenty-three.

  We know this because the boys made a ‘hot list’ for our year level. It was stuck up next to the timetables on the school events noticeboard. Even though it was taken down quickly — I think it only lasted three hours — pretty much everyone can remember the order.

  I pretended not to notice that I was number seventeen.

  There were forty girls on the list, so I was in the top half, but still … I felt a long way down.

  At least I was put above Alice on the list. I mean, that surprised me at first. But I’ve learnt the rules are different in high school.

  I know lists like that are stupid, of course. And cruel, particularly if you happen to rank very low. But the thing is, stupid or cruel or whatever, I don’t reckon there was a single girl in our year who could help looking at that list. The worst thing would be not to have made it onto the list at all. That would be like you didn’t even exist!

  I can see Alice now as I walk across the quadrangle. She’s hugging her books to her chest and looks like she’s confused about everything, and that doesn’t just mean what class she’s got next, or where on earth it actually is.

  ‘Hazel!’ Alice turns and looks at me as though I’m a lifesaver. ‘Do you mind walking with me to maths? I don’t know where D12 is.’

  Her eyes are darting around as though she thinks I might say no. Which I wouldn’t, of course, but it makes her seem unconfident. Plus, her school dress is so long it meets up with her socks with no gap in between.

  ‘Sure,’ I say. D12 is one of those portable classrooms the school brought in a couple of weeks ago and plonked at the side of the oval. ‘I just have to grab some books from my locker. Wanna come?’

  ‘That would be awesome. Thanks, Hazel!’

  I wish for her sake that she’d calm down a bit, but it doesn’t seem likely. Alice is kind of bouncy, and always has been. It’s one of the things that everyone loved about her in primary school. She pretty much had no vacancies for friends then. People hung around her all the time, and I never really got a chance to get close to her.

  But these days, Alice drifts from group to group, like she doesn’t quite belong anywhere.

  Somehow I’ve landed on my feet. Not firmly, solidly, on my feet. More like a wobbly, Oh my god, how is it that I’m in the popular group? sort of landing. A will I be able to keep this up? sort of landing.

  But it’s way better than not landing at all. There were a couple of spooky months there while I went from group to group at lunchtime, trying to find somewhere to fit.

  ‘It’s so hard remembering where everything is, don’t you think?’ Alice says, interrupting my thoughts as we walk down the breezeway towards the lockers.

  She doesn’t wait for a response. ‘It’s like, you just get used to maths being in B block and then they change it and you’re supposed to find somewhere else completely. And I really struggled with the homework Mr Cartwright set. Did you get the answer to that last question?’

  ‘Scusi.’ Ella Ingram pushes past me to get to her locker. She gets her books and turns around. Ella was number four on the hot list. I guess I can see why, but her face is pretty ordinary. Nothing really stands out there. Her hair isn’t that different to mine. It’s sort of mid-length and browny blonde and she wears it in a ponytail with blue clips at the sides. But I don’t think the reason she made number four has anything to do with her face or her hair. Her school jumper is tucked up twice, like mine is. But it’s way tighter, like mine would be if Mum had let me get the size I wanted. And her skirt only comes halfway down her thighs. You can see that Ella’s got proper boobs, a proper waist and really long legs.

  I haven’t bothered asking Mum to take up my skirt. She’d probably say no, and even if she said yes, she’d never get around to it. She’s too busy now that she’s got a stupid boyfriend.

  ‘So?’ Alice prompts me. ‘The last question?’

  I watch as Ella heads off with her books.

  ‘We have until the end of the week, Alice,’ I say, turning to her. ‘I haven’t started it yet.’

  Alice looks surprised. To be honest, I have done the homework sheet, except for the tricky last question, but there are people all around us and I don’t want them to think I’m super keen or anything.

  I get my books. Alice stands beside me, quietly now. She’s about a head taller than me, but she’s skinnier. Her school jumper is baggy and not tucked up at all, and you can tell that she’s completely, totally flat. When I look down at my own chest, I’m not exactly thrilled with what I see. Or don’t see. But at least there are two little bumps that show some promise for the future.

  I wonder if the boys noticed that, even as I remind myself that the hot list is stupid and cruel.

  ‘Hannah helped me, you know.’ Alice is talking more quietly now, like she finally gets that I might not want everyone to hear us. ‘So if you need help …’

  Alice keeps talking, but I drift off, thinking about the list again. Hannah didn’t even make the list. There are forty-four girls in our year, so four haven’t made the list at all, including Hannah. She went to the same primary school as Alice and me. She’s kind of fat, but it’s not just fat under her school polo. It’s as if she ‘developed’ too quickly, and she’s trying to hide it. In primary school, ‘developing’ was embarrassing. Hannah was the first girl, by ages, to get her period. Everyone knew, because she would only go into the one toilet cubicle that had a sanitary dispenser thing.

  I would have hated to get my period way before anyone else, but it’s really stressing me out that I still haven’t got it now. I’m thirteen and four months, and … nothing’s happening.

  I sneak a sideways glance at Alice as she chats away. I wonder if she has hers yet.

  Olympia skids across the floor between me and Alice. Her hand is on her locker door, but her eyes dart up the hallway to where Edi is.

  ‘Hi, Hazel,’ she says, ignoring Alice.

  She grabs her maths book and slams the locker door as though she’s in a hurry. But we’ve got plenty of time to get to maths.

  ‘I’m walking with Edi,’ she calls over her shoulder as she dashes ahead. ‘You and Alice can talk maths together.’

  I smile. On the outside. But inside it feels like a little stab. Olympia is part of my group, but she says stuff like this to me all the time. Cutting stuff. She must’ve heard Alice going on about homework. I would’ve liked to walk with her and Edi — they’re in my group, after all.

  That’s the thing with Olympia. I’m not even sure if she was trying to be mean or if it just came out that way. Sometimes she’s really nice to me. One thing I am sure about is that Olympia takes every opportunity to get Edi to herself. But I guess Jess and I are a bit like that too.

  Edi is number one on the hot list, and she’s number one in our group, too. That’s just how it is.

  ‘You go ahead if you like, Hazel,’ Alice says.

  For a second, I think about leaving Alice behind and catching up to Edi and Olympia. But I can’t. It would look too try-hard, for one. And secondly, it would be mean to Alice.

  Even from the back, you can see why Edi is n
umber one on the list. I would have put her there as well. Her mum is Indian, and Edi has long dark hair that she straightens even though she doesn’t really need to. It really gleams, and her eyes do too. Even the braces on her teeth look good, like a little bit of extra jewellery you can’t get told off for wearing. Plus, she’s incredibly cool. I was with Edi when we saw the hot list for the first time. She rolled those eyes like it was no big deal. That’s how cool she is.

  Alice and I are just about to walk up the portable stairs when Nicholas Bradbury flies down them. I think he’s definitely going to knock us over, but he just manages to stop in time.

  ‘Morning, Hazel! Morning, Alice!’ he says, his whole face screwing up with his grin.

  ‘Morning, Nick,’ we say together.

  I don’t know how he does it, maybe it’s his Down syndrome, but Nick stretches his grin even wider and launches into the song we’ve been learning for music performance. He sings loud and strong and over-the-top, using his fist as a microphone like he’s on stage.

  His free arm waves about so much that Alice and I have to lean back.

  ‘I’m going to do that homework tonight,’ I whisper to Alice as Nick sings. ‘If I get stuck, I’ll message you, yeah?’

  There’s a smile between us that makes me glad I’ve said it. It’s a how weird is life? Can you believe how much has changed? exchange, and Nick has caused it somehow.

  I can tell Alice loves Nick as much as I do. I think it’s the fact that he doesn’t worry about all the stuff everyone else worries about. He’s just really honest, I guess.

  Alice gives me a little nod as the three of us break into the chorus, Nick’s voice ringing out over the top of ours. Laughing, Alice and I head up the stairs, waving goodbye to Nick, who sees some other students and backtracks.

  In D12, Edi, Jess and Olympia are sitting at a hexagonal table at the back of the room. They are leaning towards each other, plotting something. When she sees me, Jess jumps up and almost runs over.

  ‘Saved you a seat, Haze,’ she says breathlessly, threading her arm through mine.

  ‘Cool,’ I reply, though Jess saving me a seat is nothing out of the ordinary. What is strange, though, is her expression. She looks pleased with herself when she smiles. Something’s behind the smile. I know there’s news. It’s almost bursting out of her.

  I feel Alice peel off me. I can see her scanning her options before she takes a seat next to Erin and Briana at the front. It’s not like anything gets said, like there are any spoken rules about who sits where, but I know if Alice sat at our table, the others would think it was wrong.

  Alice hasn’t got how to fold her jumper up the right way, and she doesn’t know not to act too keen about homework, but she’s got this right.

  ‘Oh my god,’ Jess says, as she practically pushes me into my seat. She leans forward. Edi and Olympia do the same, so I copy.

  ‘All right,’ Edi says, ‘whatever you’ve got happening tonight, cancel it. Caravan meeting, five o’clock.’

  Olympia nods as she sits back in her chair. ‘Yeah, I’m skipping basketball. This is more important.’

  ‘Why? What’s up?’ I ask.

  I love our caravan meetings, but they’re normally on Friday so we can go through everything that’s happened during the week. Something extra important is obviously going on for a Tuesday meeting, and it seems that I’m the only one who doesn’t know what it is.

  Mr Cartwright walks in.

  ‘I’ll tell you tonight,’ Jess whispers, as Nick closes the door behind Mr Cartwright like he’s royalty.

  Mr C is pretty strict. You’re not allowed to talk to each other during class unless it’s about work, but Jess squeezes in a few more words before he begins the lesson.

  ‘Do I look any different?’ she asks, posing for me by flicking her ponytail and jutting out a shoulder.

  I don’t quite know what to say. Jess doesn’t look any different to me, but that’s obviously not what she wants to hear. I do a quick scan, checking her hair, face, clothes. Nup, no signs of difference.

  Luckily it’s too risky to reply anyway. Mr C can really crack it and I hate being told off.

  Suddenly I get it. It’s like a weight that lands in my chest and sinks down into my tummy.

  I’m pretty sure I know what the meeting’s going to be about.

  As I walk home from school, I’m getting kind of excited about the caravan meeting. I mean, if it’s about what I think it’s going to be about, it’ll be hard in some ways. But I’m dying to know what Jess has to say. I want to know as much as possible before it happens to me — if it ever does. Jess is the perfect person to get information from. Even though she goes way, way off track at times, she also doesn’t hold anything back. With Jess, I’ll get all the juicy details.

  I organise a to-do list in my head so I’ll make it to the caravan meeting on time.

  1. Tell Mum that I’m not going to be able to cook the raspberry and white chocolate muffins we’d been planning to make this arvo.

  We do stuff like that most Tuesday afternoons when Romy’s at netball practice and not around to guts them all down before they even cool. I feel a bit bad about it, but I’m pretty sure Mum will be okay. We can always make them tomorrow.

  2. Get my clean clothes out of the laundry.

  Luckily, I put practically my whole wardrobe in there last night and since Mum has Tuesdays off work and she always does stuff around the house, they’ll be ready. I choose an outfit in my head to save time. Black jeans and my purple T-shirt. Oh, and my black Cons. Edi loves them.

  3. Have some afternoon tea and a drink.

  Then I’ll be ready to go.

  I get home in record time and groan as soon as I see the Feral’s rusty bike on our front porch. Just the sight of it makes me want to vomit or something. It’s messy and it’s right beside the door and it’s not even locked up, though you’d have to be pretty desperate to want to steal it. My big sister Romy made up his nickname. It so suits him.

  I stay on the porch for a moment, even though it’s taking away some of the time I’ve saved with my to-do list. I can’t believe he’s here. Like, even though I’m not going to be able to hang out with Mum today, she didn’t know that. It’s really rude.

  I brace myself as I open the front door. Straight away, the stink of his loser-scented candles gets me. He’s standing in the hallway like he owns the house or something.

  ‘Hi, buddy,’ he says, even though he’s not my buddy. ‘How was school?’

  He’s barefoot and his trackie dacks have paint splatters all over them and the crotch is halfway down his legs. Not in a cool way. His hair is in dreadlocks that hang down his back. If you didn’t know he showers for long enough to use up all our hot water, you’d think he was dirty.

  ‘Fine,’ I say shortly. ‘Where’s Mum?’

  ‘Hi, Hazel,’ Mum says, poking her head out of the kitchen. ‘I got all the stuff for muffins. Jason’s made them before. He’s going to help.’

  ‘Really?’ I say, and now I don’t feel bad about going out one little bit. Like I’d really want to hang out with Mum and him. ‘Actually, I have to go to Edi’s.’

  ‘Oh … okay,’ Mum says. ‘That’s a shame.’

  ‘Yeah, totally,’ I reply and I hope she gets the sarcastic tone but she just starts talking to him about some stupid yoga class so I don’t even bother saying anything else. I just drop my schoolbag and go into the laundry.

  ‘Oh my god,’ I yell out. The laundry basket is still full of my dirty clothes. Mum comes to the laundry door.

  ‘Mum, all my clothes are in here,’ I moan. ‘You didn’t wash them!’ I pick up my black jeans. They’re sodden with water from a towel. In fact, nothing in the basket is even wearable.

  Mum leans against the door like it’s no big deal.

  ‘I didn’t do any chores today, Hazel,’ she says dreamily and she’s not even apologising. ‘It was such a nice day. Jason took me for a picnic.’

  I shake my head
and walk past her to my room. Honestly, I don’t even think she notices the smoke coming out of my ears.

  I think about borrowing something from Romy, but if I do that without her permission she’ll kill me. I have to settle for a stupid T-shirt that I’ve had since I was about ten. It’s got a daisy with eyes and a mouth on the front. I throw on some old jeans that are hand-me-downs from Romy. They’re supposed to be skinny legs but they’re huge on me. Way cool.

  I don’t even have any afternoon tea. They’re in the kitchen. Together.

  I slam the front door as I go.

  I’m calmer by the time I get to Edi’s.

  Edi’s house is amazing. It looks like a ship, all sharp angles and loads of windows everywhere. But we hardly ever go into the actual house. I walk down the driveway. The caravan is off to the left at the bottom of the garden, overlooking the sparkling in-ground pool.

  Edi told me that the caravan has only been out of the backyard once. They drove it up the coast on a family holiday. Edi reckons they only lasted a few days before they drove each other mad and came back home. Now it’s her own private space.

  Edi is at the doorway. She waves and comes out to get me. Jess and Olympia follow her out. Even though I’m on time, they’re all there and I get a funny feeling, like they might have arranged to arrive earlier. It doesn’t help that all of them look really cool and I’m standing here in this random outfit. I wonder if I should tell them about what just happened at home. About Mum not doing the washing, and the Feral hanging around. But I decide against it. They’d probably think Mum’s not being a proper mum and even though that’s pretty much how I’m feeling at the moment, I don’t really want them to know. The whole thing is just embarrassing.

  ‘Haze,’ Edi says, giving me a hug. ‘I’m glad you’re finally here.’

  Jess gives me a big squeeze, even though I saw everyone just a couple of hours ago.

  ‘We’ve been waiting for you,’ Olympia says, and she hugs me too. It’s a quick one, but it’s still a hug.

  It’s nice to know that they’ve waited for me to get into the juicy details, even if Jess has obviously told them both something. The funny feeling shrinks until it’s only a tiny speck of worry inside me.